


Daisies, Pasties and Dragons

by Anonymous



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Interspecies, M/M, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Other, Oviparous creatures galore!, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome - M/M/M, weird stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-06 13:47:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sons of Sor were indeed a fertile bunch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Daisies, Pasties and Dragons

**Author's Note:**

> this morning, i asked her top 5 hobbit 3soms. #5 was nori/smaug/pile of gold.  
> i forgot the pile of gold.  
> enjoy.  
> and fili and kili are already born. and out of the house.

([tumblr](http://pandeimos.tumblr.com/post/46328573151/daisies-pasties-and-dragons-nori-smaug)) NOTE: **Dwarves have no taboo on incest because couplings between close family are infertile, and try to make a dwarf do what they don’t want, they’ll murder you without killing you. or, n the terms of natural selection and evolution, the more different the DNA the better the chances of fertilisation. (yes i know they’re all cousins, but come on, so are apes)

and dwarves lay eggs. in my headcanon. i haven’t gotten to the hows or wheres, just that they lay eggs. i think. i have decided that they lay eggs and bury them, so they hatch in the earth. then they pop out of the rocks, like daisies! ♥

also, Dis and Thorin look the same. Thorin makes a hot dwarfess.**

also, following the laws of MLPFiM dragons eat gems. erebor is a real buffet!

 

***

Smaug was curled around in the corner, whimpering and sad and vulnerable. He only _scorched_ the wall of his chambers, burning the stone back with soot. When Nori settled in for the night, on the oddly lumpy floor, he narrowly avoided the razor sharp tail and was left hanging on the ceiling for his own safety. When Nori tried to comfort him with a plateful of his favourite sapphires, Smaug just snapped at him, nearly cleaving him in twain.

Nori dived out of the summit of Erebor, making a quick escape toward his brother’s home. It was bare but for her majesty Dis, incapacitated until further notice, and her two children. Newly pregnant, egg not ready for the earth yet, she was in no state to look after two twenty year olds, regardless how she _already raised two Balrog spawns on her own and got out alive_.

Nori glumly took Rigmaer into his arms, holding her against his chest morosely. That got Dis’ attention. Usually, hugging his nieces and nephews lit Nori up like the fuse of a firework because they resembled their fathers so much.

The sons of Sor were surprisingly fertile; from Ori, she had two daughters, another babe on the way, which delighted her Brother-Husband to no end. Dori had borne the sons of Fundin two sons and one daughter, bringing out a frighteningly cute and cuddly side of the axe-wielding giant one, and an “endearing murderous glint” in the eyes of the older one.

“Uncle, are you alright?” Rishkaer joined her sister, dangling from her Uncle’s neck. She took out a mithril pendant, encrusted with small gems from the Arkenstone, and waved it in front of his face. He sighed.

This was not good.

“I don’t know. Smaug’s been all moody and stuff. He won’t eat his gems, he spends all his time wallowing in gold, and he won’t even _touch me anymore.”_

Nori crawled next to small jeweled shrine, where Dis buried her egg, and wrapped the blanket around himself, more pasty than dwarf. When Thorin came back later that evening, he shot his Sister-Wife a questioning look, but Dis could only shrug.

For the next six months, Nori-the-pasty became a staple in the Royal household, with mixed results. The children loved him, taking pleasure of his sober _‘let’s ruin Father’s reputation’_ moments, as well as his inanimate episodes where he doubled as trampoline. The royal couple wasn’t so keen; Ori was too shy to do anything with his older sibling around. One desperate evening, Thorin all but demanded - alright, he _outright_ commanded Dwalin to _take the sorry sight under his roof for a few nights under pain of torture by slugs so that my Sister-Wife and I may partake in our Consort. NOW._

In an effort to lift his brother-in-law’s spirits - and because he needed it right now, and also he didn’t need a reason to drink! - Dwalin tugged Nori to the Pickled Hedgehog and made a good night out of it, for old time’s sake.

And if they had to suffer under the sunlight of Dale summer mornings, nurse the migratory oliphaunts and dancing trolls behind their eyes, the list of expenses for the damaged goods and the furious glare of Dori when their bail (hostage ransom, with the state of the tavern) was paid, it was worth it.

A shadow swam above their heads. smaug was feeling better, it seemed. Then five more followed. Slowly, Nori’s eyes widened with realisation, and he crowed with glee and triumph at the display of flying dragons. Yes. Plural.

“I’m a _father now!”_

Hm. Well. The sons of Sor were indeed fertile.

**Author's Note:**

> anyone who saw this coming, please give me a shout.  
> and no, it's not GKs fault. that was just an excuse to deliver myself from some guilt. it didn't work. i love this too much to care.  
> also, as a mlpfim fan, i'm making dragons' diets mineral based. they eat gems.


End file.
